The Million Dollar Question

And here is the million dollar question people:

When you have already found the answer to your question why is it that you continue on this emotional and at times destructive path to find a better, less troublesome, less painful, less leaves a sour taste in your mouth an ache in your chest, less difficult answer?

I find myself on the destructive, beat you down when you're already feet deep in it path and i can't seem to pull myself out of it. Just when i think i have convinced myself of the way out off it, i allow some part of the hopeful in me to lead me back to where i no longer feel safe.

I think i may be waiting for a miraculous sign to lead me.